First Comes Commitment Then Comes Love

Before I entered my relationship, I had been on journey of intense search and understanding of this thing called relationships. I had read, googled listened to sermons and experts, and observed people in relationships; both dating and married, constantly trying to figure out what makes them work and survive the test of time.

One thing that stood out in my research was friendship is key, and with friendship, commitment to the friendship.

Commit to love


Our society nowadays teaches us that before we commit, we must develop a feeling of attraction or chemistry before we can commit to a person. If there is no feeling or chemistry, then there is no commitment. We need to feel someone’s “vibe before we can agree to date them. My fellow friend and blogger/writer Ernest Wamboye wrote a similar post on the same here, which I absolutely concur with.

Over the last couple of years, I have been acclimatizing myself to understand the true definition of what love is. We as humans have been called to love one another, and love, my friends, is not a feeling but an act of your will. Once you act out love, you begin to feel the love.

Continue reading “First Comes Commitment Then Comes Love”


I can love you better than she can… OR SO YOU THINK

cheating-black-manOne day on my way home, listening to radio, and mindlessly staring at the driver on the next lane as they, similarly, passed by (a very Kenyan habit),  there was a song that came on which grabbed my attention from my mindless Kenyanized gaze.

The phrase that did this was “I can love you better than she can”. I could tell it was Mary J Blige, and since I don’t remember how the rest of the song lyrics go, I Googled them.

“I can love you, (I can love you) I can love you, (I can love you) I can love you better than she can

Sitting here; Wondering why you don’t love me; The way that I love you; And baby have no fear; Cause I would never ever hurt you; And you know my love is real, boy I can…

(I can love you) I can love you; A little better than she can
(I know that you) I know that you; Wish that you could be my man; Cause I can love you better than she can…”

My expression was o_O… Continue reading “I can love you better than she can… OR SO YOU THINK”

Dating You- Does yourself know YOU?

“Tell me about yourself? What are your strengths? What is your greatest fear?” I am sure that we have come across these questions at some point in our lives. How did you answer them?  Did you manage to answer them truthfully? The other day I tried thinking through some of these questions in regards to myself, and I was surprised at my lack of knowledge of myself.

Back in campus, life seemed much simpler. All these questions were easy to answer. I’d sum up who I am under the title ‘Miss Boss’. Looking back now, I can say, I thought I knew myself. I thought I knew what/who the definition of Miss Boss was (glad to say; now I know and I can put on the title with better understanding).

Society has a way of fine tuning our minds to believe or assume something of ourselves. It uses labels to define us, like the one I did, instead of authentic words of who I really am. We can like a concept of a personality, like ‘Miss Independent’, but do we truly know this Miss independent deep inside? (Not the definition of the song). These labels end up confusing us into who we really are. It’s a pandemic called identity crisis.

Being a working lady now, with minor distractions (i.e. derailment of friends and ransom plots), I find myself thinking quite a lot at a much deeper level about what I want for myself which reflectively forces me to question who I am.

Continue reading “Dating You- Does yourself know YOU?”